where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
