I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
