i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
