hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
