Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
