I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
