i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
