We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Randomize
