I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
