I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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