ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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