the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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