So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
