I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had to cum in my sink.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
