i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
