I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
