a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
