dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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