The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
