ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize