I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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