thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
