It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
