yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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