I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
barbara walters just said penis...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
