Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
