and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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