I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what day is it and did you see me today?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize