If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my liver is dry heaving
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
