my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
