Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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