my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Lo siento on account of my penis...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
