Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
