last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize