Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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