We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
