Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
