Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
