i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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