To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
