So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
