I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
