Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
