She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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