So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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