why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
