so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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