Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
