my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
