Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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