Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
