Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
