She is in my trunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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