so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
