he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
