Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
