Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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