I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
