If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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