Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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