i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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