i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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