I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
