do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
