don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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