So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
