Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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