dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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