They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
